


moment

by missanthr0pocene



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Reunions, they keep seeing each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28822035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missanthr0pocene/pseuds/missanthr0pocene
Summary: they’ll need some time.
Relationships: Chris Hartley & Josh Washington
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	moment

**Author's Note:**

> i’m bored

It's been 6 months since Chris saw Josh. Sam told him he had been admitted to the psych ward after interrogation and medical treatment. They had found Josh just an hour after they had all been initially picked up. Up in that helicopter. So far from the ground, and Chris remembered the smoke and the flames, the silent sky and everyone was so quiet.

In the hallway, with all those chairs and separate waiting rooms, Chris just sat there and thought. Until they brought him to the dimly lit room with a camera set up, reminding him of when he and Ash stumbled upon the dummy. God, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was hard to answer sometimes, whenever they asked.

When they brought up Josh, Chris almost shut down, but he caught himself. They asked him where Josh was. He didn't know if Sam or Mike confessed, and it left him in the dark when they arrived to the lodge without Josh. Even though Chris was paralyzed with fear, he still remembered Josh.

"It got… really bad, his mom said." Sam said over the phone. Late at night, about 2AM, back home in California. "She said there wasn't much progress, and… that he was hurting himself. They held him for 6 months and apparently he's being discharged in the morning." Chris stared up at his fan, taking in all of what Sam just told him.

"6 months?"

Sam sighed. "Yeah. But Melinda said he didn't start showing improvement until 2 weeks ago." she somberly said. 

"6 months and I… I didn't even go to see him."

"It's fine, Chris. You don't need to feel bad-"

Chris rubbed his temple. "But I do. I didn't even- I left him to die, Sam. Out in the cold, with that… thing. He could've died. Because of me."

So that's how long it's been. 6 months. Chris felt like a shit person. He almost believed it, but Ashley had called, expressing her love, her care and how thankful she was that they made it out. He felt like a dry texter on the call with her as he cooked breakfast, it didn't stop her love though. 

Chris drove by the mental hospital in the morning, where everything was still and he was sure Josh hadn’t been discharged yet. He sat in the parking lot, contemplating what happened that night and all the things he did wrong. His eyes fell on the entrance to the hospital every so often, those chrome pillars and tinted windows. 

At around 9 AM, the doors opened. Chris’s heavy eyelids moved and there was Josh, in a puffy polyester white jacket for the cold morning, only to wear a cut gray top and black waisted jeans and boots that went mid calf. He wore sunglasses, and had earrings. He looked refreshed.

Chris got out of his car, poking his head out from the top of the car door. Josh looked over to him behind those shades.

“Josh.” Chris muttered under his breath. Josh was stopped in his tracks, luggage behind him. Chris jogged towards him, his cheeks and nose were red. It was chilly for an August morning, chilly enough for small clouds of shrill breath to escape his mouth.

Josh looked down at the floor by the time Chris caught up to him.

“Josh,” he said again. “It’s… it’s you.” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Um. Wanna go to the cafe?” Chris asked like he and Josh talked last night. Josh was silent for a minute.

He swallowed. “S-sure.” he struggled to get out. Chris smiled.

“Was anyone picking you up?”

“I was going to Uber.”

Chris clicked his tongue. “Ah, sorry to interrupt that. I just… I wanted to see you.”

Josh gave a weak one back. “Really?”

Chris nodded. “Yeah. Really.” he said, car chirping, and Josh took the passenger side. He didn’t look at Chris the entire ride, staring at his boots or outside the side window. Chris felt bad. Acting like everything was okay and normal. No way Josh forgot what Chris did. Leaving him out there. To die. Chris’s fingers tightened on the wheel.

The cafe was comfortably painted brown and chrome, slow jazz playing quietly amidst the small buzzes of talking from college students or elders. 

Chris stared at Josh’s bag, white leather with golden clips, hoops and chains. It was Michael Kors. Chris had seen it before. He was pretty sure it belonged to Josh’s mom originally. Guess she gave it to him.

“Your mom put cigarettes in your bag?” Chris asked when Josh pulled out a couple items, one of which being a full box of Parliaments.

Josh shrugged. “I asked her to. Not like she cares.” he said monotonously. He took out his phone. “I have to go pick up my medication in a few. Are we getting anything?” he asked.

Chris put a hand up. “I’ll order for you. What do you want?”

“Iced coffee.” Josh looked around, like he was wary of somebody. Chris gave a weak salute as he dragged himself off the seat with his lips pursed, whistling out a tune. He got out his wallet.

He snuck glances at the table where Josh sat. The brunet was checking his phone almost like he was waiting for a message. 

Chris really took in how tired Josh looked. How exhausted, with puffy under eye bags like he had been crying for weeks straight. Despite coming out of the hospital with a look that said he had it all together, under it he looked defeated. 

Chris came back with their coffee, sliding Josh’s cup to him and watched as his shaky hand picked it up.

“How’d it go in there?” Chris asked, not sure if he was being insensitive but goddamn it had been so long and he just wanted to know. Be there. Care.

Josh sighed after taking a sip. “It was rough. I don’t remember most of it but, I was alone. A lot. They didn’t room me with anyone my entire stay.”

Chris remembered what Sam said. _It got really bad_ , he took a long sip of his cocoa.

“They evaluated me a bunch and before they discharged me.” Josh stared at the lid of his styrofoam cup, long nail picking at the clipped hole. “Diagnosed me with schizophrenia. Paranoid.” he clarified. “Guess that was what was wrong with me.” Josh averted his gaze sadly.

Chris held back a shaky breath. “I don’t think that’s like, a wrong, y’know? Not a flaw. Just something you have. It would’ve been a problem if they just… left you untreated. That wouldn’t be good, right?” he tried to smile. It felt weird to.

Josh’s eyes never left the oak table. “Yeah. But I… I hurt you. I hurt all of you.”

Chris realized then that Josh wasn’t going to let this go. The moment Josh took off that mask in the basement and explained his actions in a manic state, Chris knew grief had destroyed him.

“Hey, listen. Even though some of what you did was fucked up, it _kinda_ pales in comparison to those man-eating monsters on the mountain.” Chris said, drinking what was left of his coffee.

Josh exhaled a small laugh. “Yeah. I guess. But we wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for me-“

“Josh no, there’s literally no way you knew about that, okay?” Chris leaned forward, stretching an arm across the table to touch Josh’s fingers, seeing the rings glint underneath the light.

Josh glanced up at him, only to look away. Something creeped onto his skin. Chris smiled, but it fell once he took in the awkwardness and pulled his hand back.

“U-um.” Josh began to sniffle. “I… I’ll be right back.” he said, shoes clicking along the wood floors with a sleeve covering his face.

Chris knew he did something wrong. But what was it? Why’d he always fuck this up? He remembered his last interaction with Josh, before shit went down and Chris almost had Josh comfortable, but he made him back up into his shell, made him trapped once again. God he sucked. 

He took out his phone, seeing a lot of missed messages from Sam, Ashley and… Emily? Last time they spoke was in the waiting room and it was about what had happened in the mines. Emily was really detached, frustrated (understandably) and she really didn’t wanna see Chris. For whatever reason but Chris didn’t really care.

 _emily:_ u talked to josh yet? heard he got discharged

 _chris:_ yeah we’re at a cafe rn

 _emily:_ fr? hows he doing??

 _chris:_ hes just a little shaken but

 _chris:_ i actually dunno

Sam asked him the same thing and so did Ashley, and Chris told them all the same things he did Emily. Except he totally dumped his feelings onto Sam and this was not healthy for their relationship.

But it had been a while, Josh still wasn’t back. Chris got up from his seat, eyeing the tiled restrooms. He walked slowly to it, opening the one person door to the male bathrooms.

Josh was standing in the mirror, tears down his face, hands bracing the edge of the pristine sink. He looked over his shoulder.

“I have to g-go pick up my meds.” Josh said, head tilted down as he pushed past him. Chris swiftly turned around, following Josh like an eager companion except that savior instinct of his kicked in and it wasn’t his best trait.

Chris took his hand. “Wait! I’ll… I’ll drive you.”

“No, Chris it’s fine I can walk there-“

“Isn’t driving easier?”

Josh ignored him that time, taking his bag and glasses. He pushed past again, out the door intensely. Normally if a scene like this happened, Chris would be embarrassed because of publicity but this was Josh. Josh, who was clearly upset and Chris just wanted to know why.

He followed him out the door. “Josh! Josh- just lemme-“

“No! No! I… God, Chris I can’t even look at you!” he shouted, eyes watered over and his mouth quivered. “I’m sorry…”

Chris felt powerless.

“I… I have to go.” Josh gripped his bag tightly as he walked down the path, past the threshold of grass walls. He was gone. Chris fucked up.

“He yelled at me.” Chris told Sam as soon as she picked up the phone.

Crackling. “Wha- Why? Did something happen?” she asked worriedly.

“I dunno, I- He got up, was gone for a while so I went to check on him and he was crying. I don’t know what I did.”

Sam somberly sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. You don’t know what you did because you didn’t do anything,” she said. “He’s gonna need time, Chris. Just like you. I mean, your last interaction wasn’t the most pleasant, was it?”

Chris put his head in his hands. “You’re right, it’s just… I wish I could be a better friend.”

“You’re a friend though. Sometimes that’s all people need.” Sam said simply. Chris wondered how this was so easy for her. “Both of you need to take your time. He just got discharged, this is the first time you’re seeing him… things are tense.”

Chris fell back onto his bed. “Yeah. You’re right.” he relaxed, everything felt a little bit lighter. “I’ll uh… call you later. Bye.” when Sam said goodbye back Chris could hear her smile.

He stared at Josh’s contact for about 10 minutes on the edge of his bed, wondering if he should call him. But it's only been a day since what happened at the cafe. Sam said they needed time. She was right and Chris had to listen. So he did.

On a trip to Walmart, Chris silently got his groceries. He was on his way to the back to get school supplies since he returned to college classes. He considered going on campus but it wasn’t gonna be good. Of course, near the back of a Walmart was always a pharmacy.

A pharmacy where Josh was, waiting at the counter staring at the floor with a nervous tapping foot. Chris watched with his hands on the shopping cart.

Josh was wearing that watch he wore that night, 6 months ago. He wore a familiar Hawaiian shirt, cropped short, sleeves huge with a black top underneath it. He looked comfortable, but Chris knew he was still shaken. 

They made eye contact. Chris was holding a pack of pens. Josh was holding a paper bag. They didn’t say anything. Josh looked sheepish, sad and eventually turned without a word. Chris almost called out for him but he decided against it. Time.

It was raining. Not hard but it was a lot of rain. Chris was driving back from the post office, a gift from Dad for his late birthday present which was in June but whatever. Chris sighed, shivering as he drove down beside the sidewalk and he squinted when he saw someone laying on the bus stop bench.

He got closer, and closer and it was Josh. They just kept bumping into each other for no reason. Chris didn’t care about that though. He cared about Josh getting sick from sleeping out here in the cold.

He got out of the car, parked by the curb. “Josh? What’re you doing?”

Josh mumbled. “Sleeping.”

“In the cold rain? Dude, you gotta move.”

“I’m fine, cochise.”

Chris flushed a little at the nickname. Once again reminding him how long it had been. He slowly took Josh’s bag from out under his head, and the other’s eye peeked open.

“Let me sleeppp.” Josh groaned.

“You’ll get sick, bro.” he said, pulling at Josh’s arm but he was barely budging from that spot. Chris had no choice but to pick him up. So he did, opening the backseat doors and slowly pushing Josh down across the seats. He tucked the bag on the floor of the car by the centre console.

Chris parked in his driveway. He looked over his shoulder to see Josh was still asleep.

“I just keep finding my way to you, huh?” he smiled.

Josh sneezed.

“I told you you’d get a cold.” Chris said as he gave Josh a cup of hot cocoa.

“Shush.” Josh deadpanned.

Chris sat beside him on the bed. “How are things at home?” he asked, and watched carefully just in case it upset him.

“Fine. They don’t really talk to me.” Josh said. “Where’s my bag?” he asked, and Chris tossed it to him from its place on the floor. Josh took out a pack of cigarettes and a black lighter.

Chris groaned. “Do that on the balcony please. It isn’t raining anymore.”

Josh rolled his eyes, but didn’t light the cigarette. He drank the cocoa. Chris looked at his arms, his fingers, his face, every part of him. He was thin now. Chris sighed, and looked into his own cup of cocoa, the milk swirls looking like a cyclone.

Chris saw Josh get up and go to the patio. He smelled smoke, making him grimace. He followed eventually, observing from the doorway. Josh was leaned against the rail, blanket still on his shoulders as he stared up at the semi clouded sky.

He walked up behind Josh, and in a brave moment, Chris wrapped his arms around him. Maybe it was subconsciously but, he didn’t let go. Josh was still for a second, then Chris felt hands touch his arms. He tried not to think too hard.

“You’re confusing.” Josh said.

“Sorry.” Chris replied.

Josh chuckled. “I’m sorry for… what happened at the cafe.” he said, head leaning against his shoulder. “I just got overwhelmed.”

“It’s okay.” Chris told him. He rested his head on Josh’s. “I’m sorry for what happened on the mountain. For leaving you.” he said, wanting it out of his system before it ate him alive.

Josh was silent, but his grip on Chris’s wrist tightened. “Y-you didn’t leave me.” he said after a moment. 

“But I did.”

“No.” Josh turned. “You said I couldn’t have predicted what was on the mountain, so how could you? None of us knew.” he looked down, wetting his lip. “A-and… Mike told me you- you went back for me.” he averted his gaze to the floor. “Thank you.”

Josh hugged him then. Chris idly thought about how this was the first time they’ve hugged since… grade school. He hadn’t felt his touch in so long. 

“I missed you.” Chris said but he doesn’t know how loud or how quiet or if Josh was really here. He held on tight.

Josh was in the bathroom, and Chris was sitting on the bed staring at Josh’s open bag on the desk. He saw a tiny box, metal with a velcro band on it. He reached for it. It was a voice recorder. Something like that. He pressed play.

He didn’t expect what played back to him. It was Josh speaking. It was one sided. No one else spoke besides him and he was talking about Chris, and their whole group occasionally. But Chris sat through at least 6 minutes and it was mostly about him, and how sorry Josh said he was, how much he regretted what he did and he spoke of very personal things that Chris had no idea of.

The bathroom door opened. Chris pressed stop, staring down at the box in the palm of his hand. He closed his fingers over it and lifted his head when he saw Josh come over, stretching and yawning. 

“I’m gonna head home in a couple minutes, cochise.” Josh smoothed a hand over his shoulder. “Do you have any coffee by the way?” he asked, looking around. 

“Uh, yeah. Keurig and all.” Chris replied, standing up from the bed. Josh gathered his things, pushing it all into his bag as he weakly dragged it from the desk. Josh made coffee, humming a tune Chris couldn’t name.

Josh lit a cigarette outside on the porch, bag on his shoulders and coat hanging off his arm. Chris watched him a little bit too hard but Josh didn’t notice. His breath smelled of coffee and tobacco, and the floral perfume from the jacket he wore.

Chris wanted to kiss him. He looked so perfect in that lighting, sunlight on his features making him glow and Chris knew Josh didn’t feel the best and wanted to be alone but Chris wanted to keep him close anyway, let it all sink in as reality.

“Josh.” Chris breathed. Josh was about to lift his head, and Chris took his wrist, the hand that held the cigarette. He dropped his other hand to Josh’s waist and pulled him close. He kissed him, like he wanted to, held him like he wanted to.

“Sorry.” Chris whispered, and let go of Josh’s wrist. He shoved his hands into his pockets, and snuck a glance at Josh who was smiling softly. He ashed out the cigarette, flicking it across the lawn.

Josh looked at him, but Chris felt embarrassed and didn’t meet his gaze. Warmth spread on the sides of his face, and he was pulled down just a little bit and Josh was kissing him. 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I missed you too.” Josh finally said. He pecked him on the cheek. “I have an appointment but,” he swallowed. “I’ll see you soon.”

Chris rasped out a, “okay,” and when Josh smiled over his shoulder and waved, Chris could say goodbye. Time wasn’t so bad, but he never wanted to wait to see him. Everything felt well again.

**Author's Note:**

> if its bad, who cares its been sitting in my drafts for a month now >_>  
> happy valentines day


End file.
